To put it simply – I WAS LEFT TO HANG DRY.

Originally before the end of the semester I was actually up for the review center thing and my options were to take it in Diliman or in Elbi (Los Baños). I actually had to be pushed so I would convince my Dad that I take it in Diliman but given the much broadcasted reputation of Elbi in securing board passers, my Dad wasn’t moved. I didn’t think he’d actually had a say where I take it and so I was caught off guard. Given the much torture I have had to endure from the University, I wasn’t much excited to the idea of staying in Elbi one more month under the Institute.

And so when one of my upper classmen said she wouldn’t be taking it and would lend me old review materials when the owner hands it to her, I made up my mind not to take the review officially. The process of finally getting my stand firm about this is actually long but the gist to it is that my upper classmen will lend me another upper classmen’s review materials for Board Exam.

Three days prior to graduation I sms-ed her if I could borrow it already but she said she hasn’t got it yet and would sms me when the lender has. I delayed sending her sms after graduation for celebrations and outings were customly done. I sms-ed her six days after graduation and up to now, she hasn’t reply.

I take this as a sign or something that I’m definitely hanging dry or goin’ there if I don’t tend to my concerns independently.

And so I asked one of my batchmates – actual batchmates by student number, and I sort of got turned down. I’m not in a rush to borrow for I’m going through my textbooks but what she said was to just borrow from my batchmates – by graduation year, instead.

I think this is the last wrath of torture from my department for not taking the review. But I am not a masochist to tolerate or endure any more from my Institute. I’m plagued and haunted but I’m taking this as a final challenge.

My academe’s highlight: Second year I incurred a crucial INC in a major subject prerequisite to another that was seasonal and what was bitter-ing was I tried to waive but wasn’t approved while a batchmate was able to do the same, ARE THEY SEXIST? I asked myself  = a semester delayed.

Third year, second semester. S1 didn’t graced me with all my majors. Petitioned but was DENIED, why? The DEMAND WAS TOO HIGH and they couldn’t accommodate everybody due to lack of professors, laboratory room shifting and in consideration with teaching loads. They had to prioritize those with less than two semesters left. PASSING THE PREREQUISITE WAS NOT A PREREQUISITE = PERMANENTLY two semesters delayed.

Fourth year, second semester. Had case study inconsistencies which almost meant a trip to the Student Disciplinary Tribunal (SDT) or a 5 or worse EXPULSION. Thanked the Lo’ for professors who understood academic “kasabawan”.

Fifth year, first semester. Had to repeat my Manuscript because of feedbacks that weren’t even verified. IF I WAS ENGLISH NAZI, SOME PEOPLE ARE MANUS NAZI and WORSE – GOSSIP NAZI. And being passive could get you broke, believe me. Second semester, Admittance takes courage but I stand firm on my grounds so you’ll have to torture me mentally to admit any wrong and fault me for it. I do not waive my rights but for the purpose of Practicum why would I not succumb to admittance.  WE WERE LEFT WITH FRAGMENTS TO PROCESS, HAD WE HAD THE BIGGER PICTURE I WOULD NOT HAVE CHOKED ON MY TEARS. It will always be that I either misunderstood or I am misunderstood. In the end, someone has to give. Someone always has.

I have had my fair share of MENTAL TORTURE, PHYSICAL STRESS AND EXHAUSTION plus FINANCIAL BROKE-NESS. But I actually had fun, those were life changing experiences and since it didn’t kill me to study in the University then it isn’t truly what I love.

“FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND LET IT KILL YOU” – CHARLES BUKOWSKI.

# 2008 – 2013

Thank you for giving the time to read and hear me rant.